The 12 crimes of ‘Xristougenna’
Source: NEOS KOSMOS
Every December, my phone starts buzzing – not with heartfelt wishes, but with frantic relatives seeking informal legal advice after a little too much kefi and a few questionable decisions. Because if there’s one thing Greek-Australian Christmas teaches us, it’s that where there is family, food, and fermented grapes, there is also the occasional, unintended brush with illegality.
So, in the spirit of public service (and self-preservation), I present the 12 Crimes of Xristougenna – a light-hearted reminder of what not to do this festive season, unless you want to ring in the new year with fines, charges, or worse… yiayia’s disappointment.
1. Stealing freskes ntomates
Sneaking into neighbour Katina’s garden to “borrow” tomatoes for your youvetsi is not harmless. It’s technically theft and trespass. Katina has cameras. And a broom. Choose wisely.
2. Hopping on an e-scooter after tsipouro
Riding an e-scooter home after too many of pappou Nico’s homemade tsipouro shots. Still drink driving. Yes, even if it’s “only a scooter”.
3. Tstifteli while driving
I know Greek Summer Hits 2025 slaps, but doing the tstifteli while driving is careless driving. Save your hip moves for the dance floor (or at least the passenger seat).
4. A hastouki with the pantofla…
A hastouki with a pantofla is technically assault. Even if yiayia insists it’s “just discipline”. The law disagrees.
5. Purchasing tickets to Greece with mama’s credit card
Getting ‘surprise’ tickets to Mykonos with mama’s credit card – while seemingly harmless, is fraud and theft. The only place you’ll be flying is straight into a family meeting.
6. PAOK Graffiti
Spray-painting “Pame PAOK” on the local clubroom wall: passionate, yes. Criminal damage, also yes. Courts tend to favour restoration over team spirit.
7. The classic threat of “Θα φας ξύλο”
Even when yelled across the backyard after someone insults your melomakarona, this constitutes a threat to inflict serious injury.
8. Throwing carnations
Tossing carnations on the dance floor might feel very bouzoukia chic – until cousin Eleni slips and splits her freshly done lips. That’s recklessly causing injury.
9. Doughnuts in Theio Kosta’s Valiant
Burnouts or doughnuts in Theio Kosta’s vintage Valiant? That’s hoon driving.
10. Barbecuing on karvouna on a Total Fire Ban Day
We all love the smell of lamb on the spit, but barbecuing on charcoals during a total fire ban is a serious fire-related offence. Fire services do not care that “it cooks better on the coals”.
11. Touching the Saloni décor
Removing the plastic covers and lace doilies in the saloni isn’t a criminal offence in Australian law… but it is a crime against yiayia, punishable by life-long guilt.
12. Overindulging in Vasilopita
And finally, perhaps the only safe behaviour of the season – eating too much vasilopita. This is never a crime. In fact, it’s encouraged. Especially if you’re chasing the lucky coin.
As a lawyer, I must advise: please enjoy responsibly. If you can avoid at least half of the above, you might just make it into the new year without legal drama – and with yiayia still speaking to you.
Kala Xristougenna, and may your only offences be culinary in nature.
*Lauren Cassimatis a practicing criminal lawyer in Victoria.
The original article: belongs to NEOS KOSMOS .
