Marriage and Wedding Ceremonies in Ancient Greece

Marriage in Ancient Greece was a vital union, not only for individuals but also for societal structure and cultural continuity. The wedding ceremony was a three-day celebration for family and friends, including the proaulia, gamos, and epaulia.

Hera, the wife of Zeus, was the Greek goddess of consummated marriages. During the wedding month of Gamelion, which corresponds roughly to January-February, sacrifices were made to Hera. During these sacrifices she was invoked as the gamostolos (“wedding preparer”) and zygia (“uniter”).

Tradition had it that the woman would be married at about the age of fourteen to eighteen and the man would be roughly twice her age. Ancient Greek poet Hesiod advised a man to marry a virgin in the fifth year after her puberty, when he himself was “not much younger than thirty and not much older.

Encounters between the couple would be too few as the wedding was actually an arrangement between the two families.

It was not uncommon for a marriage in Ancient Greece to be within the extended family group, with unions between cousins being common. In a typical wedding in Ancient Greece the bride would normally be a virgin and the groom was definitely an experienced man. But the most important thing for a marriage was the dowry.

The dowry

That was the first step for a marriage in Ancient Greece. This would have been the most significant form of property a woman acquired and was provided for by her father or guardian. Usually the dowry was given to the groom at the betrothal, but it could be handed over at a later date, such as at the marriage ceremony itself, if all parties agreed.

Typically the dowry was a sum of money for the family to start a household, but moveable goods such as furniture, bed covers and other such items could be given as well. Any property other than money was assigned a monetary value. Even patches of land were given as dowry.

The value of the dowry was also a status symbol. The wealthier the bride’s family was, the higher was the monetary value of the dowry. At the same time, though, it was a deterrent for any man who would take the marriage frivolously or with the ulterior motive to take advantage of the dowry and then disrespect or treat the woman badly.

There was a stipulation that the man must return the dowry in full in case of divorce or separation, or for treating his wife poorly. If he failed to do this, there would be an interest rate of eighteen percent per year.

The proaulia

The first day of the wedding ceremony in Ancient Greece was the preparation day, known as the proaulia, the ceremony itself was known as the gamos, and the day after was known as the epaulia.

The proaulia day was reserved for several important activities to be undertaken by the bride and groom. Ritual activities were undertaken by the couple and family members. Sacrifices were extremely important, as the ancient Greeks wanted to make sure the gods and goddesses were appeased and would protect the couple.

Young girls often made sacrifices to Artemis, their protector until marriage, seeking her favor as the goddess of chastity and childbirth. These offerings were significant for their protection. Once married, women would then make sacrifices to Aphrodite, as she was the goddess overseeing adult, married women.

The night before the gamos it was important for the bride to sleep in the same room with a small boy with two living parents. The purpose of the ritual was to ensure the fertility of the bride, most importantly to promote the birth of boys who would be heirs of the family. Vase paintings allude to this ritual by depicting brides holding small children.

The gamos day

On the morning of the wedding day itself, the bride bathed as a purification ritual. After the bath, the bride was dressed in expensive garments. For this, a professional assistant called a nymphokomos was hired to dress the bride. The bride would wear a crown known as a stephane, and a veil dyed with saffron which was meant to be lifted at the appropriate time. That was the most important aspect of the bride’s attire.

For his part, the groom would wear an ornate cloak and a garland on top of his head.

This ceremony typically took place in front of a sacred altar, where the couple would make offerings to the gods, particularly Hera, the goddess of marriage.

The houses of both bride and groom would be decorated and there would be an abundance of food and drink to celebrate. Dancing and songs known as hymen hymenaeus would take place at either the bride or groom’s family household. Guests would be separated by sex and even the bride and groom would not eat together.

After dark, a procession of the whole wedding party would usher the bride to her new household (the groom’s). The way would be lit with torches and there would be shouting, singing and music, activities which were meant to ward off evil spirits. Objects such as quinces or violets may have been thrown at the bride and groom as symbols of fertility. After the arrival at the groom’s household, various rituals were carried out and the couple would consummate their marriage.

The epaulia

The third and final day of a wedding in Ancient Greece was known as the epaulia, which was specifically known for the custom of giving of gifts to the newlyweds. The gifts would be practical, ensuring that the bride had everything she would need in her new oikos from her father or welcoming her into her new family from the groom’s side. She would have given the groom a chlanis, a tunic that she had woven herself.

The third day was also marked by more food and drink and dancing. The bride would cook an entire meal for as many male relatives related to her new groom as possible. This was so that she would be accepted into the oikos and to assure the legitimacy of the wedding. This was referred to as the gamelia.

This was an important moment for the groom, to ensure that if his wife bore him any sons they would be enrolled in the phratry, or kinship group. Finally, the bride dedicated a loutrophoros or vase to a nymph in thanks for the marriage and in the hope that she would have a good life ahead of her. The completion of the wedding ceremony would have solidified the bride’s transition to nymphe, the status she would retain until she bore a child.

Wedding ritual in Sparta

In Sparta there was a different approach to matrimony. Unlike in Athens and marriage in other parts of Ancient Greece, marriage had a different purpose. Marriage was seen as a civic duty to the state to produce strong offspring.

Girls had to be at least around age eighteen before they married, because being a healthy mother was of the utmost importance to raising warriors. The men they would marry were close their own age. For Spartans, the purpose of motherhood was mainly to breed warriors who would fight for and defend the city-state.

In particular, Spartan marriages were known for their emphasis on physical fitness and compatibility. According to modern sources, there was no such thing as a wedding ceremony. The bride had to cut her hair short and dress in men’s clothing to emphasize her role as a warrior’s partner. She would wait for the groom in a dark room. The groom would leave the barracks at night, go to where the bride was waiting and ritually capture her.

The Spartan groom had to live in the barracks until the age of thirty. This meant that the couple did not live together, but only had brief visits with each other at night. During that time, the husband might not even get to see his partner’s face, considering he had to perform his spousal duties quickly in a dark room with a single bed, then leave to return to the barracks.

Divorce in Ancient Greece

Divorce was surprisingly straightforward for a bad marriage in Ancient Greece, particularly for men. However, the man had to return the dowry to the wife’s father. In Athens for instance, a husband could simply divorce his wife by sending her back to her parents’ home, along with her dowry. The dowry was like the woman’s retirement fund. This meant that the larger the dowry, the less likely an unhappy marriage was to break down.

For women, the process was much more complex. They needed the support of a close male relative or guardian to initiate a divorce, since women had no legal power.

An unhappy wife had to leave her home, walk to the agora, where typically the government offices were, find an archon and tell him she wanted to divorce. The archon asked if she had a male relative she could go to. If she did, the archon would immediately agree and grant her wish to divorce. In that instant the divorce was complete. She then left the home, with her dowry and went to her father or a close relative.

A divorced woman did not carry a social stigma and she could remarry. However, her dowry value decreased.

For widows, things were more challenging in ancient Greek societies. Those without adult sons could find themselves in an extremely vulnerable position, both socially and economically. Inheritance laws in city-states like Athens favored male heirs, which could leave widows dependent on their children or male relatives to survive.

It was not the same in Sparta, though. There the women had more rights to property and could even inherit their husband’s estate, acquiring a much more secure financial position.